And...

It's done. I say this with a laugh as I am typing for from work computer. But, yesterday was my last day, complete with and Ice Cream party and a gift card. My coworkers are really so sweet. It's makes me realize I AM going to miss them. Something I was not aware of previously.

But, I must run! I need to stop procrastenating, turn in my last time sheet and keys and hit the road! Last mintute packing - airport - NYC!!

Holy shitoly. Today is a good day!!

I hope it is a good day for all of you as well!!

Ten Truths

This is stolen from the lovely Kori. She posted hers last week, and allowed anyone to steal this by tagging themselves. Consider me tagged.

1. I feel lighter than I have in four years. Shit, maybe more. With the weight of my job lifted from me, I feel like I am walking on goddamn air. Every time I think of something work related that would have had my stomach in knots and my hands wringing themselves, I smile instead. And I breathe deeply and my shoulders relax. There is nothing better.

2. My birthday is in 9 days from today. I will be twenty-nine years old. This is my last birthday before I turn thirty. This concept causes me to wonder were the hell my twenties went. Maybe I should check under the couch.

3. I am about to embark on a journey to New York City. Even though it will be most brief, I cannot wait. I have spent a great deal of time fantasizing about what our stay will be like. In order to punish me for this, my mind has devised some rather clever nightmares. I keep dreaming that the trip has come and gone, and I that I already back home again. The problem is that I can't remember the trip I took at ALL. I can't figure out how I could have gone to New York City and not have a single memory of it. That dreams sucks, but waking up and realizing that it is a dream - rocks.

4. I have an obsession. I am obsessed with make-up. No, I'm not one of those loons that can't leave the house without their "face on". I am in fact regularly seen in public without so much as lip gloss. What I am obsessed with is the buying of makeup and the WANTING to buy makeup (more of the latter). But don't get me wrong, I DO wear the stuff. Mostly on the weekends when I have the most time to devote to putting in on. There is just something so wonderful about feeling fully made up to me.

5. Growing up I was obsessed with Barbies. My grandmother, who I have written about before HERE catered to my obsession as I was her only grand child. I had the barbie dream house (with a pull string elevator which I thought was THE height of coolness). At some point she had a friend who made custom barbie furniture and she commissioned her to make some for me. I had a red-white-and-blue living room set and an all-red, lace and satin, heart-shaped Barbie bed. That was used for when Barbie felt like sluttin' around. Which, as I recall, she did quite often.

6. I am one of the palest people you will ever met. White sheets look tan next to me.

7. I never thought that I would enjoy blogging nearly as much as I do. I had no idea how much I had missed writing.

8. I have an animal addiction. My small house contains three dogs, two humans, and one cat. And believe me, if I didn't think that someone would call the city on me (or the nut-house) I would go out and get another dog TODAY. I am so going to be one of those old women that gets found living in a house with 79 feral cats one day, claiming to 'love' the smell.

9. My favorite colors are black, green, and silver. My least favorites are orange, yellow, and white.

10. I can't play the lottery, because when I do I actually get my hopes up about winning, even though I know what kind of odds I am up against. When I inevitably do not win, I feel very disappointed. I must be a bigger optimist that I thought I was.

11. Despite the fact that almost all of my blogging buddies are female (and QUITE dear to me), I don't have female friends in real life. Well, I have two female friends actually, but I wouldn't say that either one is really a "girly girl" at all. I don't know what it is about my personality that causes this, but it certainly must be something. Nearly all of my close friends are males.


So, my dears, tell me a truth about you? Could be something secret or just something silly. I would love to hear anything you wish to share with me. I hope you are all feeling fine and well today.

Help Me

Good peoples of the blogging community. I need you. I need you to tell me that it's going to be ok. Talk me down.



I just did the unthinkable. I just handed in my resignation letter.



Do I have a new job on the horizon. No, I do not.

What the shit am I doing, someone please tell me??

Health insurance? Money? Oh, to hell with it all.

It's done. It's done, done, done.

After almost four years with the Department, I am bowing out.

Before my state-worker ass gets any fatter. Before my soul gets any deader.

I'm on to greener pastures?? Two weeks...

The Excitment Never Ends

So, I had to dial 911 yesterday. Not a common, everyday type occurrence, no. Necessary all the same.

Why? Oh, my office was on fire.


So, I'm sitting at my desk, reading a blog around noon yesterday, when I hear the pounding on the door to my hallway (My office is in a different part of the building from the majority of the folks at my office. On this day, I was the only one on my side.) So, grumbling, I get up from my computer to see what the fuss is about. Through the see-through side-bar on our door I can see the frantic look on my coworkers face. Her hands waving for me to walk faster. I couldn't imagine what was going on. Maybe someone was having a heart-attack? Several of my coworkers are older ladies, so that was the only thing I could imagine.

As soon as I open the door, the smell hits me. A thick burning rubber/plastic smell smacked me in the nostrils.

My coworker, in her frantic state points through the door behind her, and I see it. Dense clouds of smoke pluming from the back of the room. I can't see the back wall.

"There's a fire in there!!" she shrieked. "Is Diane here?" (Diane is my boss and the building manager.) "No", I said, "haven't seen her all day. But, we need to get out of here right NOW"!

And that we did. On the way out of my office I grabbed my cell phone and called my supervisor who was in a meeting across town. I let her know the situation as best I could. She asked if anyone had called 911 yet. I felt certain that someone had already, as I was rather later to the scene than most everyone else in my office, but I figured I better call just in case everyone was thinking the same thing.

Did you know when you call 911 your cell phone enters into "emergency" mode and won't let you dial any numbers other than 911 until you exit out of it? I'm not sure what that's all about, but it damn sure was confusing in a moment of panic.

Within maybe a minute, maybe less, the firetrucks showed up. Yep, plural. They sent, for some reason I do not understand, three of them. The men in their heavy uniforms and masks trundled into the smoke filled building. Apparently one of my braver coworkers had thought fast and grabbed the fire extinguisher. She had already put out the flames for the most part, so really they were just checking to be sure it was out. Once they had confirmed that there were in fact no more flames, they brought out the industrial fans to air the place out.

While we waited for the smoke to clear, one of the firemen walked over to where a bunch of us were standing. "Well, we know what caused the fire!" he announced. My, I thought, that was fast.

"Yep", he said. "It was that candle."

And, we all knew what candle that was.

See, despite the fact that burning candles in a state building would seem to be an obvious no-no, and while it is EXPLICITLY against the rules, there are those that do it anyway. I don't know if it is some sort of act of rebellion on their parts, or just general ass-hatery, but I can assure you, this is an issue. Probably in every state building everywhere.

And this particular hard-head had set our motherfucking office on fire.

Oddly, this is NOT what disturbs me the most.

No, what disturbs me the most is that evidently, we do not have fire alarms in our office??? With all the roaring, rising smoke not a single BEEP! was heard. If my coworker hadn't come looking for Diane down my hallway, I might not have gotten out of the building!

How utterly fucking unacceptable is THAT? Additionally, how utterly unsurprising is that?

Exactly.

But, I am seriously pissed off about it, as I think are a number of my coworkers. I'm almost glad that Dumbass McBumpkin started the damn fire, because it highlighted this point. Next time, the fire might not be so easily controlled and someone might get seriously hurt or killed.

I mean, with all the jankity ass wiring going on in this office, it's a surprise that we don't have fires every damn day.


So, what the shit? Should I write to the head of my department? The governor? If this is an issue here, I know this must be an issue in lots of state offices. Where is the oversight for this shit?!

in which Lady Lemon leaves the state of Florida

No, no I'm not quitting my job. I wish.

I'm traveling, if you can believe it. It's been quite some time since I have done such a thing. My last journey out of Florida was for my birthday, almost a year ago. The boyfriend, the dogs, and I went to Chattanooga and Lookout Mountain last year around this time and spent a few days away from the heat. We've actually done that on my birthday for the last two years in a row. It's nice because my dad has a place up there, so other than gas money, it's a pretty cheap little vacation.

This year, things have taken a rather different turn.

My good friend is getting married, and despite the fact that Tallahassee is her home town, she is not doing it here. No, she's getting married in Long Island, which is where she lives now. Sort of a break from tradition, I guess, since it seems that most people get married in the place they were brought up.

Being the wonderful and dutiful friend that I am (dusts shoulders off), I could not miss out on such an occaision, despite the crushing economic implications. Not to mention, I'm a bridesmaid. A title which requires a rather expensive uniform.

So, seeing as how her wedding is to take place two days after my birthday, I decided to make it a two-fer. NYC birthday/wedding extraganza 2009, baby!!

The plans are roughly as follows: fly into NYC on the 5th, spend the 5th and 6th in Manhattan. My birthday is the 6th, so it works out perfectly that we will have that day in the city. Plus, boyfriend has never been there before so it will be most fun to experience it through his virginal eyes. Then, we will head over to Long Island on the 7th, which will be the night of her rehersal dinner. The 8th will be the wedding and the 9th we will head back home.

Whew, just typing that sort of wore me out. It is certainly not going to be one of those relaxing-type vacations. No, not at all. But, such is the nature of The City. It's all "go-go-go", and "hop on the train QUICKLY, or else it will slam shut on your arm as you reach out to your fellow traveler already on said train".

Or, at least, that has been my experience.

I've already bought the plane tickets for myself and boyfriend. He is going to be paying for the two nights that we will stay in Long Island, at a room I have already booked for us. But, that left our bank accounts empty and still two nights in Manhattan left to pay for. Not to mention the INSANE expense that is associated with bridesmaids dresses. Ugh.

So, what to do?

I asked my father if he would pay for the two nights in Manhattan as a birthday gift for me. Now, my father really hates to part with money, so this idea took him a bit of getting used to. But, the one thing my father LOVES(other than Sai Baba)? Getting a good deal. It's like crack for him. So, I got down to researching some deals on Orbitz and found possibly the greatest deal ever.

Two nights, one room. Reasonable price (for Manhattan) at the WALDORF-ASTORIA!!! I know, right?!? I thought the chances were slim, but hey, it's worth a shot at this price, and maybe, just maybe, he'll go for it. So, I present dad with the information. He is very skeptical. He calls American Express (his go to source) to see what kind of rates they have for the W.A. The best price that they had for a room was almost 3 times my Orbitz rate!!!

Dad knows a deal when he sees one. So, for my birthday, I will be slumbering in the Waldorf Astoria!!! The hotel the KING stays in when he comes to NYC in "Coming to America". which is one of my boy friends favorite and most-watched movies. He keeps looking at me all wide-eyed and saying "the KING stayed there and I'm going to be taking a shit in the same place the king stayed!!". It's so fucking cute.

So, I'm going to NYC and I am going to stay in the mother fucking Waldorf-Astoria??!! For my birthday???!! I think I must be dreaming. Hell, maybe I'm dead.

Three weeks! In three weeks I will finally journey away from my home. I will go to the craziest of crazy cities and spend the night in the craziest of crazy hotels. If they don't turn us back at the door for being the bumpkins that we are.







*note - I also intend to stalk the shit out of cleaning staff so I can steal whatever sorts of fancy tolietries that have in their carts. Can you tell I stay in fancy places, like, all the time?

In a Pickle

I am one hot, sweaty bitch today. No, I haven't just ended a passionate, day-long, love-making session (yeah right). No, no - my fucking work A/C was broken when I got here this morning. The guys didn't get out here to fix it until about 3:30 this afternoon. The temperature is slowly creeping its way back to an acceptable level.

And I realized that there is something worse than working a desk job for the state. Working a desk job for the state in the Florida summer with NO MOTHERFUCKING A/C.

I know, I know. I am a total wuss about these things. I wouldn't have survived 300 years ago. Of course, I am legally blind without my glasses, so that would have probably ruled out any successful hunting/gathering efforts I had in me.

Sigh, such is life.

Today I have pickles on the brain following the post of my dear Ms. Moon. I have always been a huge pickle fan for as long as I can remember. Just the dills! I can't get down on the sweet ones or even the 'bread and butter' variety. No, just the sour and salty. And really, in my book, the sourer (more sour?) and the saltier, the better.

I remember the first time I realized that I had an 'unnatural' love for dill pickles. I was about 5 or 6 and had just gotten over a bout of the dreaded stomach flu. I was still in that moderately pukey stage were not all foods were acceptable to me. The only thing I wanted to eat? You guessed it, pickles. They were the only thing that I could tolerate in that state.

I recall a couple of my mother's friends coming over and upon viewing me downing the delicious dills, expressed their shock at this. "You must be feeling a WHOLE lot better to be eating those already!", one said. I shrugged. It seemed perfectly understandable to me.

I still feel this way about pickles, to be honest. After a meal when I have just eaten to capacity and everything sounds yak-worthy, a pickle still sounds good. Almost stomach settling.

Maybe it's the vinegar? The salt? I just do not know.

Oh, and another oddity of mine is that I detest, and I mean DETEST that cousin of the pickle, the olive. Well, maybe they aren't cousins in the technical sense, but they are both pickled, right? Olives (yes, black and green) make me want to vomit and pickles apparently have the exact opposite reaction.

I think this is most odd. If anyone know what's up with this let me know. Also, do you have an unnatural love/hate for a certain food item? Let me know! I don't wanna be the lone freak on the bloggy-block!!

So, Instead I Post

I've been having a shitter of a day so far, which is unusual for a Friday. Usually with a weekend ahead there is very little that can get me down. Today, no. Maybe I'm dealing with some hormonal shit? Must be that bitch, the Moon, again. (Note: the Moon, not Ms Moon. I would never call you a bitch. Celestial bodies, on the other hand have no reprieve from my wrath!)

After purchasing $761 worth of plane tickets (dude, shit), I had a rather unpleasant conversation with my father which melted me into a sad, teary puddle. The details of this conversation in particular were nothing shocking or extreme, just the kind of stuff I really should be used to by now. I ended up crying on the phone to my mother, which made me feel slightly better. Of course there is nothing that she can do to change him, but she can at least understand where I am coming from and that helps.

I just get so jealous of people who have good relationships with their fathers. There are so many good daddies out there in the world. So many men who love to be fathers. Who love to spend time with their children. Who want to get to really KNOW their children and want those children to know them. And I know, as Aunt Becky would say "How dare you complain when others have it so much worse! There are people without feet and legs!" - which never fails to amuse me. Some people never had fathers, never got to even meet them. Some people have lost their fathers. Some people's fathers abused them. My dad never did that, certainly. But, still. I want to have a daddy that they feel close to.


I want this so bad with my dad, and even though I know I'm fighting a losing battle. As my mother said today, "you just have to lower your expectations." And I know. I KNOW that's the truth. So, why is that so hard to do? Why do I still try to expect things from my dad that I know he won't give me? CAN'T give me?

This is just a part of growing up. I just need to suck it up and the sooner I do, the sooner I will feel better about it.


Uggggh.

SO! I think a little good shit/bad shit might be in order to pull me out of this funk! Without further ado:

Good:
*good daddies
*traveling! - I'm going to NYC in a month!!!!!
*cocacola classic - I know, it's evil as shit. It'll rot your teeth. But, oh it's worth it.
*stand alone ice makers - we have one of these babies at my office. It makes perfect little square pieces of ice with the perfect texture. And they never taste like the fridge, because it's not in the fridge! I love it. When I'm rich one day (ha!) I will totally have one in every room of my mansion.
*basil - omg, I love this stuff. Bruschetta, anyone?
*The Princess Bride - totally one of the best movies ever made. I could quote the whole thing AND sing the song.


BAD
*foul breath - I hate smelling other people's stank breath. For some reason, the stank breath of my pets does not bother me. Go fig.
*turds on the floor - when you are potty training an animal, any day without one is a good day.
*My utilities bill - that shit was well over $300 this month. And I live in a small two bedroom. Yeah.
*Sprint - I have them as my phone carrier and cannot wait until my fucking contract is up. My service is utter shite and customer service? Ha!
*weddings/bridesmaid dresses - I am in the middle of dealing with one of each of these. I've never been more anti-wedding in my LIFE!



Ugh. These aren't very entertaining. Sorry, I'm just in the shitter today. I do feel slightly better now, though. Thanks.

So, what is making you blue today? A person? Your bank account? The weather? Let me hear about it.