I've been having a shitter of a day so far, which is unusual for a Friday. Usually with a weekend ahead there is very little that can get me down. Today, no. Maybe I'm dealing with some hormonal shit? Must be that bitch, the Moon, again. (Note: the Moon, not Ms Moon. I would never call you a bitch. Celestial bodies, on the other hand have no reprieve from my wrath!)
After purchasing $761 worth of plane tickets (dude, shit), I had a rather unpleasant conversation with my father which melted me into a sad, teary puddle. The details of this conversation in particular were nothing shocking or extreme, just the kind of stuff I really should be used to by now. I ended up crying on the phone to my mother, which made me feel slightly better. Of course there is nothing that she can do to change him, but she can at least understand where I am coming from and that helps.
I just get so jealous of people who have good relationships with their fathers. There are so many good daddies out there in the world. So many men who love to be fathers. Who love to spend time with their children. Who want to get to really KNOW their children and want those children to know them. And I know, as Aunt Becky would say "How dare you complain when others have it so much worse! There are people without feet and legs!" - which never fails to amuse me. Some people never had fathers, never got to even meet them. Some people have lost their fathers. Some people's fathers abused them. My dad never did that, certainly. But, still. I want to have a daddy that they feel close to.
I want this so bad with my dad, and even though I know I'm fighting a losing battle. As my mother said today, "you just have to lower your expectations." And I know. I KNOW that's the truth. So, why is that so hard to do? Why do I still try to expect things from my dad that I know he won't give me? CAN'T give me?
This is just a part of growing up. I just need to suck it up and the sooner I do, the sooner I will feel better about it.
Uggggh.
SO! I think a little good shit/bad shit might be in order to pull me out of this funk! Without further ado:
Good:
*good daddies
*traveling! - I'm going to NYC in a month!!!!!
*cocacola classic - I know, it's evil as shit. It'll rot your teeth. But, oh it's worth it.
*stand alone ice makers - we have one of these babies at my office. It makes perfect little square pieces of ice with the perfect texture. And they never taste like the fridge, because it's not in the fridge! I love it. When I'm rich one day (ha!) I will totally have one in every room of my mansion.
*basil - omg, I love this stuff. Bruschetta, anyone?
*The Princess Bride - totally one of the best movies ever made. I could quote the whole thing AND sing the song.
BAD
*foul breath - I hate smelling other people's stank breath. For some reason, the stank breath of my pets does not bother me. Go fig.
*turds on the floor - when you are potty training an animal, any day without one is a good day.
*My utilities bill - that shit was well over $300 this month. And I live in a small two bedroom. Yeah.
*Sprint - I have them as my phone carrier and cannot wait until my fucking contract is up. My service is utter shite and customer service? Ha!
*weddings/bridesmaid dresses - I am in the middle of dealing with one of each of these. I've never been more anti-wedding in my LIFE!
Ugh. These aren't very entertaining. Sorry, I'm just in the shitter today. I do feel slightly better now, though. Thanks.
So, what is making you blue today? A person? Your bank account? The weather? Let me hear about it.
15 comments:
I have been in FIVE fucking weddings and I'm so sick of it. And I have another round coming up too. I mean, it's lovely to be thought of and all...but shit. That's alot of money I pay for a bunch of dresses I will never wear again. But how can you say no? Once I did and the bride flipped her shit and didnt speak to me for a year. So I too, feel your pain with the bridesmaid dress/wedding angst being on the bad shit category. It stays on mine :)
Dear LL,
Well, you know I cried to my mom this week too. Perhaps Mercury is in retrograde or something... Want a watermelon? :-)
Sorry bout dad. Yea, it's a bummer when you feel that invisible barrier and can't get past it. I don't know about the good daddy shit. I know they are out there, but I think there are more bad daddy's than good ones. I do. sigh. I will send fluffy soothing vibes your way.
I abhor being in weddings. Thank God most of my friends when i was younger were hippies so they didn't do that shit. I was in a few formal weddings back in the 80s and it IS expensive!
Sprint just needs to be scrapped. They SUCK!
Hope you have good weekend.
pf
Uh, fuck me? I hate to tell you this but that is a joke, Kori.
I'm sorry that you have a terrible relationship with your dad. You know I can commiserate there. Sending you virtual hugs and faxing you vodka.
Hey Lady Lemon, would you please delete that comment for me? Thanks.
Yeah. My mom's and my relationship is so much like that, as you know. Here, let me stand here and let you hurt me. Okay? Good. We have our plan. We have our tradition. And no, I know you don't MEAN to hurt me. Of course not. You LOVE me.
Well girl, we do allow it to happen.
Nothing's pissing me off today. Really. Things making me happy? Clean floors and a niece and a nephew on their way over to spend the night with us. Grandma practice. We're going to feed the chickens!!!!!!
Kori - I'm so sorry for the confusion! I should have linked that quote to "Aunt Becky" and it would have made so much more sense! Duh. I love you for looking out for me. You're a dear.
SJ- I'm really starting to think about the whole wedding thing lately, and the more I do, the more it bugs me. I'm so glad you understand.
PF- Yes, mercury indeed. That would explain a lot! And yes, I'll totally take some watermelon.
AB - I love you dearly. Could you make that vodka at bottle of white wine? I'm a middle-aged lady, you know.
Ms Moon - It's different than your situation at this point because my mom and dad are divorced and have been since I was young. Still, she's my mother and CHOSE that man to have a baby with, so yeah. I hear you. And yea for grandbaby practice! Show them the chickies, they'll love that.
To any and all - Sorry for being such a whiney-hiney today. I know I just need to put on my big girl panties and deal.
If you don't let that shit out, it turns to poison. Besides, I'm pretty sure I speak for several of us when I say, we'd like to know how you really are, not some candy ass bs!
It's the last weekend for blueberry picking in these parts. It's a cheap fun weekend thing to do.
pf
"put on my big girl panties and deal."
Oh my god, I love that. Totally need to use that on myself!
And the dad thing... what works for me is to be grateful for the dad my kids have, so... maybe you could look to your future kids and imagine them having a closer relationship with their daddy.
About the Dad thing - forget about lowering expectation. Just forget about it all together.
Go about your life, love your mother and before you know it, he'll be calling you.
It's a need thing.
Or maybe he's just a shit, I don't know.
But you can join our Dad Club now, because in our club we all share your tears.
So far it's just me and Windy, but now you're here so our club will be much more festive -
I'm sure if we ask around we can get lots more members
PF- Yes, you are right about the poison. Blogging IS a good way to release it without scaring the hell out of everyone in my office. Ha.
Steph- Good thoughts on being positive about the daddy thing. I know my boyf will make a great daddy some day and that does make me happy.
Margo - Sad Dad Club for reals. I bet we really could find tons of members for that club. Misery loves company, eh?
My Dear Lady Lemon,
I am a little late on this here shit, but poison oak all over my left arm is making me blue today.
I look like a space alien is slowing taking over my body, which would explain a whole damn lot.
Pardon my French,
SB
SB - You poor dear. I've never had the poison oak before, but I have had poison ivy a million times, so I really feel your pain. I think bathing with oatmeal is supposed to help?
Thanks for the tip, Lady Lemon. Maybe I can combine breakfast (oatmeal) and a bath tomorrow morning. My ass is always looking for ways to multi-task. SB is one busy broad.
Post a Comment